It’s finally time for a blog

Screw Twitter I might be reaching the point of needing a blog. My first entry would go something like this:

Just got back from the movie…masturbation at its finest.

Had a good x-mas. Now I have to deal with my roommate bringing home a bunch of fuck-ups from Richard Young to party at the house at 11:30 PM when I have to be at work tomorrow morning at 8:30 AM. That combined with the non-stop snow we’ve been getting for the past six hours has really put me in the holiday spirit. Bah humbug!

I don’t know about twitter; without anything interesting in my life it just seems a little too middle-schooly to me. What am I going to put, “Not drinking tonight AGAIN; going to the movies by myself instead” or “Watching pirated season 2 of Carnivale eating my sorrows away with a bag of Oatmeal Scotchies” or my personal favorite for my holiday vacation would have been, “Awesome; just what I wanted for my grab bag gift, a variety pack of Planter’s Peanuts. Actually now that I’m good and revved up on sarcasm it might be kinda fun to start using Twitter. I could make it my personal goal to bring everybody else down during “The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year.“

As you can see my ever increasing disdain for the holidays has reached it’s yearly pinnacle and I feel like Augusten Burroughs in Dry. A lonely queen that really wants to drink Glenlivet by the bottle and snort coke from the tan, smooth stomach of an Italian boy with whom I’ve never met but would happily have unprotected sex with. But, due to rehab, I have resigned myself to overworking, overeating and generally being a snarly bitch to everyone around me.

Tis the season!

Love,
Howie Feltim

P.S. I will help you with your Twitter/blog problem but you might want to wait until my demeanor has improved.